rivers_bend

for diachrony, because she asked.

The English Patient ~ it was terminally yellow, terminally boring and nearly endless. I liked the subplot of the nurse and the bomb disposal expert, but every scene with Ralph Finnes and Kristen Scott Thomas made me want to rip my eyes out.

My Little Eye ~ The list of reasons I hated it is too long. The only reason I didn't? Bradley Cooper.

Short Cuts ~ biggest misnomer EVER. I'm sure there were good things about it, but by the time we finally got to the end of the film, bugger me if I could remember any of them.

Wild at Heart ~ There is no need for me to hear the sound of someone squelching their own finger in their brain. And there is no need for Willem Defoe with horrible brown teeth to hisssss obsceneties in Laura Dern's ear while I'm watching either.

Last House on the Left ~ Honestly? there are no words. It's beyond horrifyingly horrible.

Texas Chainsaw Massacre ~ boring followed by people so annoying you were pleading for them to die, which it took them far, FAR too long to do.

Anaconda ~ It did spawn the comedy gold "The Anaconda has eaten John Voight" caption in Empire Magazine to this picture , but it was otherwise appalling. The special effects were the worst. Besides, I was grumpy that day. Interestingly, I saw it with the same people I saw Fantastic Four with, only they all loved it and I hated it.

Howard's End ~ I couldn't bring myself to care about the characters, which meant the film was wasted on me.

Wolf Creek ~ I waited far too long to ask B if we couldnt' just turn the damn thing off. Vile.

Wrong Turn ~ If I tell you that Eliza Dushku is seen tied to a bed with wire wearing a white tank top (vest) and her underwear, sweaty and dirty and writhing around and that I still didn't like this film, you will understand how bad it is. Cos day-um she's awfully hot like that. Cheap nasty horror.

Hmmm. Mostly horror films on this list, with a smattering of period pieces. Guess I know what genres aren't really my thing.

So. We saw the film. There were four of us. As it has been declared that I am completely unreliable when it comes to rating or reviewing films, I shall give you the opinions of all of us.

C~ male. comics nerd. loved the first film.
"That was the worst film I've ever seen. EVER. There were no redeeming features. It was fucking awful."

M~ male. has somewhat dubious taste in books and movies as far as I'm concerned. Liked the first film ok.
"There was one redeeming feature. I didn't have to pay for that. What a load of shite."

B~ male. vaguely comic nerdy. didn't really care for the first film.
"FUCKING AWFUL. So awful, I can't even think of anything else to say about it other than AWFUL."

and now my opinion.
I actually enjoyed it. It wasn't a great film. There was way too much talk of weddings. It's a superhero film. I don't really care that much about weddings in a superhero film. If I wanted weddings I'd go and see Four Weddings. Not Fantastic Four. But it had fire stunts! and flying cars! and Dr Doom! and Chris Evans! They clearly got a really good deal on some spray on tan, and the jokes were beyond cheesy and there wasn't much in the way of character development. But I still had fun.

So three against one. violently against. with much head shaking. If you're easily pleased by films, don't judge them harshly and are willing to turn your brain off for an hour and a half, you might agree with me. If you're an exacting film critic, I'd give it a miss.

The other day I was reading afterellen.com's list of the 100 hottest women. (thank you karaokegal for the link.) When I got to number 14, Kate Walsh, the little blurb said something along the lines of, Kate first came to our attention playing Sandra Oh's girlfriend in Under the Tuscan Sun. 'She did, did she?' I thought, and within seconds was adding the film to my lovefilm list. I had no idea at all what it was about, who else was in it, when it was made, or any of the other things I often like to know before I decide to see a film.

As I'd half (ok, more than half) suspected, Kate Walsh was hardly in it at all, and Sandra Oh wasn't in it much more than that, but B and I really enjoyed it anyway. For a start, Italy is absolutely GORGEOUS and who doesn't want to see it at its best for two hours? It was funny, heartwarming, sweet and genuine. At no point did I feel like my feelings were being manipulated. It was a love story that was more about friendship. And it did have lip to lip contact between Drs Addison Shepherd and Christina Yang. Whoot!

I had such high expectations for Ocean's 13. Ocean's 11 is one of my favourite films ever, I've watched it 30 times or so and it always makes me happy. Ocean's 12 was ok, and much better on repeat viewing than on first viewing, but it wasn't the same.

Ocean's 13 might even be better than Ocean's 11. It just made me so so happy. I cannot stop grinning. To the point that B keeps asking if I'm going to be grinning all night, and please can I stop giggling randomly at nothing. But I keep remembering scenes or lines or looks, or just general George/Brad/Matt Danny/Rusty/Linus moments, or Carl Reiner, or Ellen Barkin... and I can't stop smiling. I am so buying this the moment it comes out on DVD, and I suspect it's going to be frequently found in my player.