I love him : comments [rivers

This makes total sense now that I've heard it, but the possibility that there were people who felt this way had never occurred to me. I'm also surprised that supporters of prop 8 haven't tried to use this in their favor, especially during the big media blitz right before the election. Like "Gays don't care if they have the right to marry, why should you?"

Another part of the video that surprised and fascinated me was the assertion that the ideal man would be "straight acting". I assume the appeal has to do with making it easier to fit into the straight world, but still I would love to know the opinions of someone who comes from that community.

BTW "that community" being urban gay men, not all gay people. Just wanted to clarify in case it read like "those people".

Edited Date: 2010-08-10 05:34 am (UTC)

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I think the prop 8 supporters don't use it because it doesn't fit in with their messages, and because it is a relatively small proportion of the overall population. Plus, they don't need to use it. their target audience doesn't give a damn how gays themselves feel, and if they ignore it they continue to benefit from the apathy and in-fighting. If they called attention to it, it is more likely to get those apathetic people riled up and actually doing something.

The straight-acting thing is actually interesting to me. I'm an urban dyke rather than an urban gay man, but I have friends and have actually done some sociological research (though that was back in college which is more than 15 years ago now). It seems like some of the desire for "straight acting" guys comes from internalized homophobia; queeny men disliking the ways they cannot help being effeminate, probably because they got bullied for it. So they want someone who is the opposite of that. I feel like that is what Cheeks was getting at with his digs at "Dick". He doesn't have much truck with self loathing. One of the things I love about him :D

There are also the boys who think that they are straight acting and want someone who won't "show them up" in public.

And the ones who are queeny and want someone butch in an opposites attract way.

I thought it was something that died out in the 90s mostly, but I'm wondering if it was just something not so prevalent in the UK which is where I spent most of the mid 90s until recently.

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I think you're absolutely right about the prop 8 supporters, although not being part of their target audience I often miss that POV. I definitely agree if attention was drawn to the apathetic population it would cause alot more unity, and the more I think about it the more I imagine that the honest emotions (or lack thereof) expressed in a bar among peers would probably disappear if you thought someone watching was likely to use it against you.

All of the things you listed as reasons for the straight-acting thing make sense even if some of them sadden me.

Beyond being adorable and charming Cheeks has also been quite enlightening this evening, as have you, thanks for chatting with me about this.

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Cheeks definitely out-adorables and out-charmings me (and everyone else on the planet pretty much *g*) but I am easier to pin down for chatting :D

Obviously I am only speaking from my own experience, but I did do a ton of work on the No on 8 campaign before the election, and I was working in the San Francisco office, so I heard lots and lots of stories about this kind of thing on top of what I witness myself. And it is kind of sad. There is far too much self hatred, and often the people exhibiting it don't even know that's what it is. :(

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