Well, this made me cry [rivers

Heartfelt interview with Chely Wright in the Advocate here, about how painful it is to keep secrets and live a lie, and how terrifying it can be to contemplate doing otherwise.

"...I think about that girl in a small town in Louisiana who is too afraid to come out because she knows she won’t be safe. I think about that 15 year old boy living somewhere in Kansas, feeling scared and alone. If a country singer that he knows comes out of the closet, maybe that makes him feel a little less alone. And what about his parents? Maybe his mom knows my songs, or maybe his dad saw me perform for the troops in Iraq. If my coming out of the closet makes them rethink their ideas about gay people, then I’ve done something good. After finally coming to terms with my own life, I just felt like it would be irresponsible for me not to be honest about it.”

I am (as may be obvious) a huge fan of being out. I would give anything for this to be a world where everyone could live their whole selves out in the open, and I do believe that the more people who are able to overcome the pressures to fit into the boxes society ordains for them, who are able to tell the whole truth, the less pressure there will be, and the easier it will be for everyone else. At the same time I am opposed to outing, and all for people being out when they feel safe.

I have so much admiration for the people in the entertainment industry who are able to take this step. I've had a ridiculously easy life when it comes to safety around my queerness; I know this and I'm insanely grateful for it. But that doesn't mean it was a super-fun picnic for even me, and when I think about what it would have meant for me to have more role models in the public eye...

So, thank you Chely, and Meridith Baxter, and Ricky Martin and all the rest (so many of you!) for not only coming out, but for not giving up during the decades you felt you couldn't. And thank you to all those other amazing people, too, who never felt like the closet could contain you. I'm grateful in ways I cannot articulate.

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So, thank you Chely, and Meridith Baxter, and Ricky Martin and all the rest (so many of you!) for not only coming out, but for not giving up during the decades you felt you couldn't.
This.

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When I read about Chely putting a gun in her mouth at one point... I just. God. It kills me that death seems like a better option for people. What the FUCK are we doing to our fellow human beings?

♥

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Amen. ♥

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ILU. I'm always brought to tears when I hear about how much better someone is for having come out, how happy they are, how they feel more themselves after feeling comfortable with admitting to the people in their world that they're gay (or bisexual). I wish more people were accepting.

♥

I am too! just... The pain we go through pretending, and doubting, and self-loathing, about anything, not even necessarily queerness. None of it necessary, because it's all based on fear and hatred from outside ourselves. It's devastating. I feel like this year has brought SO MUCH CHANGE, though. Not in laws, how I wish, but in the numbers of people who are standing up and saying, "wait, me too," or people like Pauley Perette, who is straight and happily married and refuses to accept hatred and bigotry so does things like talking a bunch of her friends into doing a benefit play. And Adam and Johnny going on talk shows and refusing to apologise for who they are, and George Takai making census ads, and on and on, and it really does give me hope. There are always going to be haters in the world. But if we can reduce the numbers of people who are just ignorant, if we can give them an opportunity to see that queers are here, and represented in all walks of life, then things can start to change in DC and the state capitals.

♥

Sorry, deleted that comment because it wasn't really post-appropriate! MUAH!

It annoyed me that even at a college in the S.F. East Bay, in a 200-seat lecture hall, when I made a comment in a Human Sexuality anthro. class that implied I wasn't straight, I heard multiple snickers in the back of the hall. Admittedly, I was the weird older lady who always tiptoed in 5 minutes late and sat in the front row with my laptop and participated frequently in discussion and didn't wear bras.

Anyway I've been really fortunate in that I've never ever felt like my physical safety was in jeopardy just because I'm a lesbian. I try to subtly out myself to anyone who gives me the impression they might could use the moral support. And I try to pointedly out myself to anyone who gives me the impression they could use a proverbial smack upside the head. With folks I actually know, I'm just out.

When I came out, firstly to myself and then fairly quickly to my friends and acquaintances, I had a good friend 25 years my junior and then 5; I was hugely relieved that her mother didn't bat an eye let alone look askance at our friendship. We've been friends since she was about to turn 2, so over 14 years now. She actually figured me out a year before I did (yes, she was 4.

(Me: You're a very sweet little lady and I like you very much.
A: 'Cause you like ladies, huh?
Me: *blinks confusedly* 'Cause I like sweet people, and you're the sweetest I know.))

Most places in this country where my sexuality could endanger my life, I like (??) to think so could my skin color, but it's hard to be sure. Mostly I feel incredibly fortunate. But also incredibly reassured when celebrities come out.

Best regards,
Jackie

I think it's hard to say where physical danger lies because it only takes one person to be violent. but it is good when you can grow up like I did in an environment where you aren't taught hate and fear. And I was lucky enough to go to "the queerest college in the country" (though how true this was I don't know)--one in 4 students identified as queer in the early 90s.

It is somehow reassuring still when celebs come out :)

I love you.

*hugs tight*

And yeah, everything you said. ♥

right back at you, bb ♥

hugs you

I'm not familiar with Chely, but I did read some posts (http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/46091896.html) last week which discussed the leaked news that a celebrity was going to come out this week. ALTHOUGH...the date mentioned was May 5, so maybe, hopefully, we can look forward to another famous person taking this brave and admirable step.

Mom was listening to an interview with Chely over a week ago now, so I expect it's someone else (also that sounds like Hollywood and she's very much in the Country Music scene [I hadn't heard of her either]) THAT'S VERY EXCITING TO ME.

*hugs*

Thanks for posting this. Sometimes I think I live at the bottom of a well when it comes to news. It really is great to have these media figures who are coming out as positive examples for the teens of today, and I just keep hoping it will get better and better on that front.

Am friending you to keep up with the posts and the fic.

You are most welcome! I don't catch a lot of news, but I've started following The Advocate on Twitter, and that helps :D

I hope for improvements on this front, too. I do feel like the last 12-18 months have been really good on that score, with things improving all the time. Fingers crossed!

and welcome!

rivers_bend

Well, this made me cry

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January