rivers_bend

This weekend has been an absolute emotional ROLLERCOASTER. Yesterday, One Direction did a seven (more like almost eight by the time they wrapped up)-hour livestream. It was just as insane as you might imagine. I am so sorry if you follow me on twitter or tumblr and don't give a fuck about one direction. I tried (and am trying) my very best to tag everything on tumblr, but twitter was a mess. I woke up today with a crazy hangover despite the fact that I didn't touch a drop of booze. I was just high on Harry Styles' abs.

Then today, I went and saw Blue is the Warmest Colour with romantical and my other queer work colleague V, her wife, and a million of their lesbian friends. I have never been in a group that took up the whole row of a theater before. Then afterwards, romantical, V, her wife and I went for a late lunch.

The movie is well deserving of all the awards it has won. The lead actress is absolutely PHENOMENAL, and her smile killed me. The first thing I noticed were her expressive lips, the second was her stunning arse, and then BOOM, her emotion blew me away. I shan't spoil the film, because I think it gained a lot from me having not the foggiest clue what it was going to be about (beyond lesbian love drama) before I went in, but I do want to talk about how I felt watching it a bit, because I'm still trying to process it almost four hours later.

There's been a post going around tumblr lately (lol lately. always, in one form or another), in which some person used to seeing themselves represented in all media bitches that queer people shouldn't need representation, because if you can't relate to someone who just has one little difference from you, you're doing being a person wrong (I am paraphrasing). People obviously argue back, but I couldn't help thinking about that view while I was watching the film. Generally, when I watch a movie about heterosexual love, I can find things to relate to about the characters. It's not that every aspect of my life is different, especially given that a lot of movies (a LOT) are about white, middle class, well-educated people. But I, for the most part, feel like I am watching a movie about the person up on the screen. I may cry or feel for them, but it is with a sense of empathy.

This movie, despite the fact that I am utterly not French, nor have I had the sort of relationship depicted in the film, felt like it was ripping out my soul and throwing it up on the screen for everyone to see. I remember feeling similarly about The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love. Also, Fried Green Tomatoes (I had read the book first, you see, and knew that it was utterly a love story about two women, despite how they tried to film it about a close friendship. I will always honor Mary Stuart Masterson and Mary Louise Parker for agreeing between themselves to play it as it was meant to be written). None of these stories are anything like my own, and yet I feel them on a sharp, deep, gut level. And they make me feel whole, even while they often tear me apart.

There are lots of movies about outcasts. (In fact, the character in John Hughes' catalogue I relate to most is Andie from Pretty in Pink, though I was never even a little bit that kind of outcast.) But I think part of it, for me at least, is that when you're outcast/bullied for being poor or fat or the wrong color or speaking the wrong language, you know WHY you're an outcast. In my case (and for many of the other queer people I've spoken to about it), there was just this sense that I was WRONG. that I couldn't fit in to the place society had for me, but I didn't understand why not. And seeing that experience reflected is incredibly moving and incredibly healing.

All the people we were with at the theater were asking how I liked the movie as the lights were coming up. And I was still just kind of sitting there and staring. Because it was great. Visually stunning, superb acting, etc. etc. But it had been so MUCH an experience, there were no words, especially to give to a stranger, about how I liked it.

If you get a chance to see it (it is on limited release), I recommend it. And I'd love to hear what you think.