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posted by [personal profile] rivers_bend at 10:10am on 14/05/2007 under ,
I've been borrowing the flash challenges from Write Words again. The theme of Laundrette with the words black and white. 300 words.


There's a first time for everything, they say, and this is my first time in a laundrette. They never look like this in the movies. You're supposed to meet the girl of your dreams over washing powder, or maybe an odd sock left stuck to the drum. Let on that you don't know what fabric softener is, and she'll melt into your arms. The only woman in here is so ancient that she probably likes her movies not only black and white, but silent.

She's got her eye on me, so I use the machine furthest from hers. I wouldn’t want her to think I'm after her smalls. I load up the washer with clothes and money, and bury my nose in my book, but I can feel her eyes burning into the side of my head. I bet she's muttering to herself something about the youth of today, expecting me to mug her at any moment, as though I don't have enough to do with the Shakespeare seminar I'm supposed to be presenting tomorrow and no clean clothes until this washing's done.

The old bird's dryer buzzes and she gets up with her basket, still looking over her shoulder at me, suspicious that her polyester skirts are going to send me into a covetous frenzy. When her things are folded and stacked away, she comes right over to where I'm sitting.

'Son,' she says,' I think you'd like my granddaughter. She'll be here in a minute to pick me up.'

Well, that's the last thing I expected. Until, that is, the granddaughter walks in. Long curly hair, a flowery sundress, legs that go on forever, and a smile that breaks a guy's heart. The movies had it right after all. There she is, the girl of my dreams.
There are 17 comments on this entry. (Reply.)
 
posted by [identity profile] victorian-tweed.livejournal.com at 09:25am on 14/05/2007
This put a big smile on my face! I love stories that turn assumptions on their head!
 
posted by [identity profile] rivers-bend.livejournal.com at 09:32am on 14/05/2007
Thank you, honey. I wasn't convinced about this at all, but the lovely [livejournal.com profile] tigertrapped said nice things about it and made me think it was worth posting. I'm so glad you like it!
 
posted by [identity profile] tigertrapped.livejournal.com at 09:50am on 14/05/2007
Perfect flash, right down to the "not my usual writing style/theme" thing which I think is one of the great benefits of flash fiction - that chance to explore other styles and subjects. Love the narrator's mis-reading of the situation, his expectations and the way you turn them on their head, neatly delivering us back to the overriding expectations at the outset. This felt very "complete" and accomplished. Not an easy feel to convey in so few words. Kudos to you, my love.
 
posted by [identity profile] rivers-bend.livejournal.com at 10:06am on 14/05/2007
Thank you, darling. How do you always know just the right thing to say? It's definately not my usual theme, which, I suppose is why I find it so hard to 'see' it.

xx
 
posted by [identity profile] lostakasha.livejournal.com at 02:29pm on 14/05/2007
[livejournal.com profile] tigertrapped stole the feedback right out of my mouth! :)

I love your perspective and pacing here -- what you've done is deceptively simple and it works beautifully. Wonderful sense of place -- I can feel my feet sticking to the tacky bits of soap on the floor. Just great!

 
posted by [identity profile] rivers-bend.livejournal.com at 02:49pm on 14/05/2007
Thank you! I love that you mention that I convey a sense of place, because that's something I feel like I struggle with. What lovely and heartwarming feedback!
 
posted by [identity profile] silsbee329.livejournal.com at 02:56pm on 14/05/2007
suspicious that her polyester skirts are going to send me into a covetous frenzy

*lol* I like his voice very much. ;)
 
posted by [identity profile] rivers-bend.livejournal.com at 05:37pm on 14/05/2007
Thank you. I'm so glad you like his voice *g*
 
posted by [identity profile] karaokegal.livejournal.com at 05:04pm on 14/05/2007
Very sweet. And a boy who actually likes girls? Shocking. :)
 
posted by [identity profile] rivers-bend.livejournal.com at 05:41pm on 14/05/2007
imagine that.
 
posted by [identity profile] diachrony.livejournal.com at 05:24pm on 14/05/2007
Absolutely charming! I love the narrator's voice.
 
posted by [identity profile] rivers-bend.livejournal.com at 05:42pm on 14/05/2007
Thank you *g* for reading, and for liking my narrator.
 
posted by [identity profile] daasgrrl.livejournal.com at 12:49am on 15/05/2007
Aww, I enjoyed. I wasn't sure until the last paragraph whether the narrator was male or female, which was quite fun too :)
 
posted by [identity profile] rivers-bend.livejournal.com at 04:37am on 15/05/2007
Thank you *g* It was certainly an odd thing for me writing a male narrator who fancied girls. I thought about having it be a grandson, but figured I should try somthing different. Give all those heterosexuals out there some representation ;)
 
posted by [identity profile] littledrop.livejournal.com at 11:13am on 15/05/2007
I think it smells like a laundrette, too. Happy little story, it made me smile. *beams*
 
posted by [identity profile] rivers-bend.livejournal.com at 11:17am on 15/05/2007
Thank you! I'm glad I could make you smile. Smiling is great *g*
 
posted by [identity profile] cucumberstar.livejournal.com at 09:50pm on 15/05/2007
I liked the guy's voice in my head. He sounded funny. I always get that feeling of wild romance in the laundramat too. So silly. I like this. :)

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