Ha! This was great. I can't post every favorite line because seriously that would be the whole thing. I'll just pick one, though:

Of course if it was a date it so wasn’t a date he would be happy for both of them.

I love how House's denial comes through in absolutely every single sentence. It's hilarious. He's so brilliant and yet so dumb at the same time. And I also loved House "noticing" that other guys noticed Wilson but of course without admitting that he noticed Wilson himself. Priceless!